Fanfic: Long Ride Home, Knockaround Guys, MattyTa
by justjanedoe
Summary: Total movie spoiler - this deals with the drive home after the movie ends and how they'll deal with everything that's happened.


Title: Long Ride Home (Ficlet)  
Author: Paula K.  
Fandom: Knockaround Guys  
Pairing: Taylor / Matty  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: The talented guys Brian Koppelman and  
David Levien own these wiseguys!

Long Ride Home (for a Patty Griffin song that I love!)

I gotta be careful with Matty. He`s been broken. And now, he`s been  
put through the ringer again. Sometimes I wish we`d never met. Not  
because I don`t love him or wish that I didn`t know him. But I  
wished he could`ve known somethin` else other than what *he`s*  
known. A different life. Matty`s mother wasn`t there to raise him.  
His father was always too busy with the business to treat him right.  
A kid built on broken promises - that`s what Matty is. Broken. After  
the shit with Teddy went down - and I gotta say now that I never saw  
that comin` - not until I watched Scarpa get shot - neither one of  
us wanted to believe it. My only choice was to protect Matty with  
everything I had. I`d spent so much of my life tearing things down.  
That`s what a fight is. At its core, it`s about destruction. Leavin`  
one person standin` and another on the ground. Someone always has to  
fall or you don`t win. And now, when I`m watchin` him drive us home,  
I can see just how close to the edge - to fallin` - Matty is.

It`s hard, knowin` that your own father doesn`t look at you like  
you`re there. And Matty`s *always* been there. Protectin` him.  
Lovin` him. Benny`s worse than a blind man - he don`t even know he  
can`t see. Never looked at Matty like he was a man. Never gave him  
nothin` to make him believe that he was doin` okay. Showed him he  
was on the right track. Took every chance to prove to the kid that  
he was just that...a kid.

Me - I watched Matty grow up. We been friends since the beginning.  
Tryin` to make him see that he had it right in the first place -  
yeah, I know I told him that before, but getting him to believe me?  
I got my work cut out for me with that. I`ll take the job, too.

I saw him dyin`. I watched the bullets cut through him as sure as I  
seen Teddy pull that gun on him. Couldn`t live with that. Teddy  
Deserve? Gettin` Matty? No fuckin` way. I`d a died for him. Not  
sayin` I ain`t glad I`m still here to look after `im, but I would  
have. Wouldn`t a thought twice about it. And *I* knew Matty was  
gonna shoot Teddy. Too bad Teddy didn`t believe in Matty as much as  
he believed in himself right then. Amazing just what you can do with  
shame and anger to heat your blood. Teddy mighta been a little more  
careful if he understood what Matty felt for `em. I`m glad he  
wasn`t, though. Robbin` from Matty`s Pop? And then tellin` him?  
Knowin` the kid was all fucked up like that? I never thought about  
it before, but Teddy talks too much.

When I see Matty now, when he thinks I`m sleepin`, I see the kid who  
showed up at my window when we was twelve. He was all messed up.  
Teddy had wanted him to kill Bobby Boulevard. Gave `im a gun and  
helped him as he held it on the guy. It wasn`t gonna happen. Teddy  
fuckin` *knew* that and used it against Matty. What were we thinkin`  
trustin` `im? Whatever. we was twelve and didn`t no no better I  
guess. Lookin` back at that night now, though, I still feel like I  
shoulda. My Ma says that`s stupid. But I still feel like the look on  
Matty`s face - he was so ashamed that he couldn`t kill Bobby -  
shoulda told me somethin`. That night, I snuck `im in my window and  
he slept over in my bed. Sometimes I wish he`d never left.

What matters in this life - the important stuff that our families  
ain`t the ones to teach us, is each other. We`re gonna bury Chris  
and Marbles. And I know we`re gonna go see `em. And I know I`m gonna  
hear `em in my head because I know I`m gonna miss `em. I gotta make  
sure to keep an eye on Matty for all of us. `Cause he`s real close  
to making a decision. By the time we get back to the city, he`ll  
have made it and I`m hopin` it`s the right one. If it ain`t, there`s  
gonna be no gettin` him back. I have faith in `im, though. I need to  
move on and I ain`t goin` nowhere without him.


End file.
